Serenity’s Soul
February 18, 2010 (The final night)
Dear Serenity’s Soul,
As I slowly walked towards that room, I stopped and looked back at my mother. She was wiping tears from her eyes, and she blew me a kiss. I read her lips as she said, “I love you,” and I felt a tear come into my eye and stop short of falling down my face.
“I love you too.” I whispered back to her.
I turned around and continued my walk to my father, just as my mother did—around the corner, and into a room slowly disappearing from the rest of the world into the world that my father belonged to.
The room sparkled with whiteness and sunshine, but it was still dreary and lonely. It was spotless, and a chill came over my body. I saw a man sitting in a chair with his back turned away from me. He was looking out the window, silently and so still, as if to be unaware of anything or anyone.
A professional looking man walked up to me and spoke quietly. “I am Dr. Herbert Langston. I am the one who plans and guides Mr. Corbin through his therapy. I understand that you are his daughter?”
I answered him nervously, keeping my eyes on the man staring out of the window—the man that wouldn’t even turn around to look at me.
“Yes.”
“Well, your father simply doesn’t respond to many things or many people. He seems to be in a constant state of stillness. What I’m saying is, you may not want to expect much.”
I had already prepared myself for this situation. “I am prepared for this Dr. Langston. All I want to do is speak to him.”
“All right then. There is a chair beside him. He has never been violent, just unresponsive. You may sit beside him and talk to him. I’ll be over there in the corner if you should need me.”
“Okay.”
I stood there for a second or two. What was I going to say? I mean, would he even respond to me? Once again, my heart was pounding, and each beat took more and more of my breath away as each step brought me closer to the man staring out of the window—the man stuck in a constant state of stillness—the man I used to know…..as my father. He was right there in front of me, and I finally reached him. I finally stood beside him so that I could see his face.
I saw my father’s face. His face was so void of emotion, so lonely. He had aged, and I could see some gray hairs that rested among the once lively dark ones. Nothing was lively about him anymore. Every thing was…still. All of my weight overtook me, and I had to immediately sit down.
No words would come to me, only tears, only shock. I lifted my arm and moved my hand towards his face, just to make sure this wasn’t a dream, but I stopped before I could actually touch him.
You see, it truly did seem as if he didn’t know I was there. He never turned to look at me.
“Daddy?” I whispered through my tears.
“Daddy, it’s me. It’s me Monica, your daughter. I came to see you. After all these years, here I am, Daddy. I’m right here……Daddy?.....Daddy, I’m right here.”
He continued to stare out of that window.
“Daddy, I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, and I am happy to see you. Daddy, would you just say something? Say anything.”
There was no answer. He just stared out of that window. I wanted to take a stone and just shatter that ridiculous window.
“Daddy, they say that you do not respond, but I know that you can hear me.”
He said nothing.
“DADDY! I KNOW THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME!”
I shouted as I cried, I shouted as I hurt, I shouted as I begged on the inside of my soul for just a glimpse of hope…..but he said nothing.
And I cried to him, as I took hold of his arm, “Daddy, I am your baby girl, your little princess. Don’t you remember? Can’t you just try to remember?”
Yet, he said nothing. He only-----he only, stared out of that cruel, cold, heartbreaking window.
I felt that it was over. “Well, I am going to leave you now. I still love you. I always will.”
I got up, leaned over, and gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek.
I understood my mother’s tears. He didn’t remember their love. He didn’t remember anything.
So, I wiped my own tears from my eyes and took a couple of steps away from him towards the door….to leave him there staring out of his hopeless window.
And then…..
Then, I heard a quiet, weary voice mutter out the melody….
“Twinkle, twinkle little star”
I stopped walking and listened.
“How I wonder what you are.”
The tears I wiped away returned at the sound of his voice calmly singing the song I sang to him once.
.
“Up above the world so high,”
I turned around without saying a word.
“Like a diamond in the sky,”
And I caught a glimpse of him looking at me, at my reflection through the wonder of that window.
“Twinkle, twinkle little star”
He was watching my reflection ever so lovingly, ever so beautifully through that window.
“How I wonder what you are,”
And then he smiled. Through that window, that amazing window, I saw him smile.
And I ran to him as if to be a little girl again, and I knelt down beside him, and hugged him so tightly…never wanting to let him go.
I felt him bring his warm arms around me, and hold me close to keep me safe just like he used to always do, and whispered, “You’re my little star; my little princess. Nothing in this world shines brighter than the sparkle in your eyes. You’ll always be my baby girl—always.”
Tears of happiness flowed uncontrollably from my eyes for in that moment, I had reached serenity. I had found you, and I looked into my father’s eyes…and he looked into mine, and smiled such a bright and heartfelt smile. He smiled the smile of Serenity, as if his journey had met its goal too.
“I will come back, Daddy. I will never forget to come back. I promise that I will come, I promise.”
“I have no doubt that you will, baby girl.”
I hugged him once more before I had to go.
When I walked out of the room, the doctor stopped me. “He has never responded this way before. This is a strong, very unexpected breakthrough for him.”
I looked at the doctor. “It is a breakthrough for all of us. I believe my father was waiting for this day, this day of serenity, that’s all.”
“Well, if he continues to improve like this, the chances of him living a better life outside of this place is, well, of course greater.”
I smiled with confidence. “My father is no longer in a state of stillness. He is alive, and yes, he will continue to bloom.”
The doctor just smiled at my new found feeling of hope.
Landon and my mother were waiting for me.
I went to them with a smile on my face, and they knew that everything was going to be just fine.
And you know, as I sit here at Landon’s parent’s house writing the last page of this journey, I believe that it is going to be just fine.
I believe--I know…..I have found Serenity.
Many blessings to you,
Monica
