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Serenity’s Soul
February 14, 2010 (night time)
Dear Serenity’s Soul,
We were all in the kitchen preparing for the bake sale tomorrow. We were smiling and laughing and just at peace, you know? It was a beautiful moment that took our minds away from our troubles. One of the ladies, Justine, mentioned that today was Valentine’s Day, a day of love and all its romantic beauty. All their stories from past encounters with love found their way to the surface of their memory, and I listened as they laughed and talked about their emotions. As for myself, I can’t say that I have really ever been in love. Sure, I have had opportunities to take love by its hand and fly away into the wonderful bliss of rosy red wonder, but I’ve also never really trusted anyone with that part of my heart. It’s hard to hand over. There have been guys that came to me with the sweetest words, and I was touched. Their words, their red roses, their scent, their eyes, their touch, meant a lot to me…but my father meant a lot to me, and all I could think of was how he left. I know that’s not fair to any man, to blame him for the wrong I felt my father did, but my trust was shattered. I had to grow up quickly, and I felt that if I couldn’t trust my own parents then the rest of the world must be terrible. It was too hard to hand over my heart. So, I never have.
Just as they were talking and laughing, I saw Stacey excuse herself from the kitchen. I felt that something was wrong so I followed her into her room. She was just sitting on her bed.
I stood by the door and quietly asked her, “Is everything okay?”
She looked away from me. “I guess so.”
Knowing that it wasn’t, I went into her room, closed the door, and sat beside her on the bed. “Sometimes it’s best to talk about it.”
She looked at me, and then she stared straight a head, seeming to hold back tears.
“All this talk about love is just that…just talk. If it were anything more, none of us would be here. Love can get you in trouble. It can ruin your life. It makes you climb a mountain—a mountain that stands high with promises, and flattery and gentle kisses. The higher you climb, the more lost you become in it all, until suddenly you step on that loose rock and slip. You try to hold on, but then, all of the other rocks start to crumble, and that mountain doesn’t seem so strong after all. In fact, that dream becomes a nightmare. There you are hanging on to your heart for dear life, but your grasp is just too weak and bit by bit, you let go…and where does your heart fall? It falls on the hard, cold, sharp, cruel lies that once caressed your heart with precious beauty. Now your heart is a battered mess of nothing. Nothing!”
Then she stopped and looked at me. “Beware of love, Monica. It’s only out to destroy your heart.”
Then she got up and left the room. I just sat there, rather shocked by what she told me. Love can be harsh, and I certainly think about how my own life turned out—and well, my parents too. I don’t know what happened to Stacey. I don’t know what made her come to this conclusion, but it destroys her soul piece by piece, day after day. I for one, can understand, but still—there’s a part of me that wants to find that guy that I can trust. I do want to look into his eyes, and see love and to give him my heart. Perhaps one day that will happen, but as for now—there’s this moment, and may be there is tomorrow. We’ll see.
Good night,
Monica
