Serenity’s Soul
February 13, 2010
Dear Serenity’s Soul,
I got up this morning and waited patiently on the porch for my mother to arrive. As I sat there and felt the breeze of a rather laid back day, something about the silence triggered a memory I thought I had escaped from long ago. In a very distant and dusty corner of my mind I could hear a little girl singing.
“Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are”
And then this little girl smiled, as she looked at someone…some figure coming closer to her. Then I heard a voice….his voice.
“You’re my little star; my little princess. Nothing in this world shines brighter than the sparkle in your eyes. You’ll always be my baby girl—always.”
And then the figure became clear. My father’s smile would always ease my little heart. I felt he would protect me from anything, from anyone. But he didn’t. He left me.
My thoughts were interrupted.
“A brand new day. I wonder what it’s gonna bring for us?” Stacey said as she sat down beside me with Mocha.
“I think your dog wanted out.” She said as she smiled.
“Yeah, she probably did.”
Perhaps Stacey could sense my sadness, so she asked “Thinking about stuff, huh?”
“Yeah. My Mom is coming home today.”
“Really? That’s good. I bet you can’t wait to see her.”
“Some of me is excited, but I never know what to expect. I try not to get too excited.”
“Well, I can understand that.”
A taxi came into the yard, and then silence filled the air again as we just stared at that yellow car….stared at the door that was opening….stared at the woman that was getting out and coming slowly towards us.
“Is that your mother?” Stacey whispered.
“Yeah.” I answered.
“I’ll just meet you guys inside.” Stacey said, and then she got up and went back in the house.
My mother was wearing a pink dress and a youthful smile. She finally reached the porch and put her suitcase down.
“Monica? Honey, I’m back.”
I just looked at her wondering what news she had for me this time.
She sat down beside me. “Monica, are you happy to see me?”
I turned to see her face. Her eyes were filled with some sort of fear and curiosity. “Yes, Mom.”
She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “I’m glad to see you too. And you’re doing okay?”
I wanted to get straight to the matter. “Why couldn’t Landon come with you?”
I could tell she didn’t expect me to ask her that. “W-Well, he has a business that he had to get back to. He’s coming though, to meet you…to be on our journey with us.”
“Why couldn’t you just tell me in the beginning that I had a brother?”
“I didn’t know that he would come back, Monica, especially not at this time. I didn’t think I had a reason to tell you. This was our journey. I didn’t know this would happen.”
“And when is he coming?”
“In around two weeks.”
“Was he mad at you?”
“He has a kind heart, Monica. Of course he had a lot of questions, but he is a kind young man.”
“Is he anything like Dad?”
“He has your father’s smile.”
I looked away with tears in my eyes.
“Monica, Sweety, everything is going to be okay.”
“Mom, Dad was the best father ever until one day, he just wasn’t. I woke up one morning and Dad was no longer Dad. He was a real nightmare. What in the world happened!? How did we even get in the city? What happened in the city?”
“Well, Honey, see….see…”
My mother was getting nervous. She didn’t know how to answer my questions.
“All you have to do is just tell me, Mom.”
“Well, your father got this job as a cook at a diner. He cooked very well, and one day, one of the customers offered him an opportunity. The customer was opening a small restaurant in the city and he wanted someone talented to run his kitchen, and he felt that would be your father. After discussing it with me, we both decided to move to the city and start a new life there. You were only one when we moved. Your father, and this man named Andy Terrino, became great friends. It was almost as if your father was a son to him. Andy became ill, so he chose your father to run the whole restaurant for him in his absence. Andy later died, but he left the restaurant to your father. Your father and I ran this small restaurant together, and everything was going well. You were happy, your father was happy, I was happy. We had a nice home and a great life. We put the past behind us, and every day was a day that we moved forward. Watching you grow was such a pleasure to both of us. Watching you smile and be happy made us happy. We thought life was perfect until…”
And then she stopped and looked away.
“What, Mom…until what?”
She was still and silent. I wanted to know so badly, but she just couldn’t get it to come out. It was too painful.
“It’s too painful, Monica. It’s too painful, and unfortunate, and dark. I just need to rest right now.”
I couldn’t force her to go on. I actually felt quite sorry for her. “I understand, Mama.”
She slowly got up, grabbed her suitcase, and walked towards the door to go into the house.
“Mama?”
She stopped, and turned to look at me.
“Mama, I do love you.”
She tilted her head a little and smiled. “I love you too, Baby. And don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay.”
Then she went into the house.
I took a deep breath, sat straight up in my chair, and just stared out into the massive empty space of air. One little tear came from my eye, and I wiped it away as I started to sing a familiar little childhood tune--a tune that so many little children know, but will always be special to me…
“Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, Twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are….
I miss you, Daddy.”
Monica
