Serenity’s Soul
February 12, 2010
Dear Serenity’s Soul,
I won’t lie to you, I wonder how my mother feels. I mean, here I am needing answers from her, but it’s not just me now, it’s her son too—and maybe he needs more answers than I do. I feel excited to know about Landon, but at the same time, I am afraid. Who is Landon? What kind of personality is he going to bring to this situation? Speaking of personality, I heard someone crying in the hall bathroom, so I went to see what was going on. The door was opened, and Stacey was sitting on the bathroom floor just crying. No one should cry alone.
“Stacey?”
She just kept crying. I went and sat beside her. Her face was red, and this cry of hers was one that reached for my heart, and I….I could feel my heart reach back.
“Stacey, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t think I can tell you, Monica. I just don’t think I can.” She spoke to me through her tears…through her sorrow. Then she looked at me, and this time—my eyes saw past Stacey, the ungrateful immature girl, into the soul of a young woman that had been battered by life so terribly, she could no longer stand.
“Stacey, don’t give up. Whatever it is, don’t lose hope.”
“But I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t! Every day is a day that I want to be a better person, but I can’t! I destroy myself, my soul…I’m too weak to live this life. I need to do everyone a favor and just quit.”
“But Stacey, No…no, it’s like this right now, but there are better days to come.”
“Better days! Are you kidding!? What better days can possibly come in a life like mine!?”
Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say, especially when you’re not sure about life yourself. I have had my depressing moments, and what advice could I possibly give her? Look at me, I’m trying to find myself too. But….why let someone slowly die within, when you can give them a little more courage to live?
“I won’t sit here and let your soul die like this, Stacey. I won’t do it. Now you listen. If you were not meant to be here, you wouldn’t be. Life is not easy and sometimes it’s not fair at all. Sometimes it may seem like we don’t have a purpose, and we have to wonder why we are here in the first place. Sometimes it seems like the world doesn’t need us, and when we look around, everyone is just going on about their days and their lives. It looks like no one really cares. I wanted to die too, Stacey. Life didn’t make sense to me. Sure, I made mistakes, but sometimes life threw me some punches I just didn’t deserve. Life has beaten me up, and my soul has the bruises to prove it. But if I did die just because I thought I didn’t have a purpose, I wouldn’t be here right now encouraging you to live. I know it’s hard, and I know you’re not perfect. I know you’ve made mistakes, and it seems like your life is so messed up that it can never be fixed….and it won’t be if you give up. You have to stand up, Stacey. It’s not easy, but you have to do it so that you can reach that finish line…so that you can claim your victory.”
Her tears stopped, and she just looked at me. It was almost as if I saw the stormy clouds in her eyes, drift away as the sparkle of sunshine came through.
“What can I do in this world? I don’t know much of anything.”
“Well, that Stacey McDaniel, is your journey. That is the reason you have to stay alive. You haven’t discovered the treasures in yourself yet. All you can see is the negative things, and you just haven’t seen the positive. Sure, there will still be tough times because that’s all part of life, but you have to discover yourself…your strength, your beauty, and your will to survive. That’s all part of living.”
She took a second to think about what I said to her. “Thank you, Monica.”
I felt a joyous feeling of relief come over me. “You’re welcome.”
I stood up and reached my hand out to her. She smiled a little and took my hand. When she stood up, she paused for a moment.
“I’m not the most grateful person all of the time, Monica. What made you care enough to come and talk to me?”
I looked down for a second and then I looked into Stacey’s eyes. “I’ve had to cry alone before, and when you have to do that, the world gets even darker. No one should have to cry alone. No one.”
Then we walked out of that bathroom, and the rest of the day was rather peaceful.
My mother will be home tomorrow, but the sneaky thing about tomorrows is that you never know for sure how they’re going to be or if they’ll even come. So, I can’t be sure about what I hope tomorrow will hold, and I don’t know what else I will discover about myself, but I sure hope it’s something special.
I’ll let you know.
Goodnight,
Monica
